Wow when I think of the word addict the first thing that comes to my mind is alcohol and drugs and gambling. Obvious I know but its true and then I would think of smoking.
Have I been an addict I ask myself? Yes I have, would be my answer.
What have I been addicted to then, let me see well I would have to go back through my life at the different stages in my life.
Addiction to me does not only mean being hooked on it physically it can be in thought too. Addicted to the thought of being a size 8 instead of a size 10. Craving the next compliment for attention and being noticed in the high profile crowd to feel important. I have gone off track here and into the mind of imagination, so let me get back to the point.
Addiction to me is like a habit or comfort zone of feeling in control. No one likes to not feel out of control. So we find the best ways to adapt or hide how we feel, anything to cover up the feeling of being uncomfortable.
Things may start as a bit of fun to fit in or join in which then removes our memory of how we use to enjoy ourselves without needing the crutch of a smoke or an extra few drinks.
We get use to extras easy; we see it around us all the time. Once we went about our day with no phones or gadgets in our hands, now maybe you could say we are all addicted to our friendly phones and gadgets. Addiction to me comes down to feelings. How a situation or circumstance makes us feel, we may use these things as a back up to hide ourselves in.
So what is it I have been addicted to, well chasing love after an abusive childhood of neglect, which caused a phase of self- harming and throwing up always made the feelings I felt inside go away for a bit. Smoking and drinking of course, yes I have given up lots of things over the years. But I have replaced them with other thoughts and habits. Nicorette gum I have chewed for years I know I don’t have to chew it but I do because I know I can.
I spent years making sure I stayed thin not because of how it looks, because as a child I blamed the fact my mum was a large lady was the reason why she had died. So if I stay thin I wont catch a death and die, this lasted for years until I reached 39 years old. It was mentally draining and consuming to live like this, so I let go of the habit as an adult now and knowing the truth that my mum did not die from fat after all. She had died from thrombosis and a blood clot, the truth made it easier for me to let go of this habit.
In fact I let go of many things at once, chasing love because love had found me, and smoking and starving myself. I allowed my self to be just me for the first time. To enjoy life and not deny myself in fear of catching something, I relaxed and so everything relaxed and expanded. Giving up many things I gained so much more than body weight I gained a life that was not so self -confined. I had freedom to just be myself, as I did not need to fit in as I fitted in my own little world inside of me. Yes I still chew the gum and I do smoke from time to time when life gets emotionally tough and challenging. But I know I am in control deep down whether I do it or not. This depends on the strength of the connection we have with ourselves. Bottom line for me is how we get through each day as comfortable as we can without feeling overwhelmed and out of our depth. This for me came down to feelings, now I am not saying this is the core route for everyone but for me feelings where the reason why I picked up a habit or not. How I felt towards myself and the world around me, the less I felt out of touch the more I would need something to hold on to.
I understand talking about addictions is a personal thing, and can make you feel naked, but really if it where not for clothes we all would stand naked in life. We all get hooked on many things just some are more understood and accepted more than others. I bet there is not one person who can say they are not addicted to something, anything that becomes part of your life which was once an extra and becomes you. The gym, the food choices, the canned soft drinks, sugar, cakes, and any ocd habit, anything repeated is more than a life style choice it becomes a way of life.
Addiction we either learn to live with and share life with without it disrupting our life too much. Or we let it take over where we lose ourselves in it. What ever we choose we choose deep down inside what we experience regarding our relationship with our habits and addictions. Feelings I feel play a part in them, which reflect our needs and how comfortable we are in our place in the world.
Addiction is a label one which I am sure we all have worn just we choose to not notice it or not label it unless the label gets a hold on us. We can judge addiction and yet understanding it gives us a bigger understanding about it, and how it affects all of us.
If you have ever said I need a… or I cant live without…. or I don’t function until I have had… or I am anxious until I get my next.
We are all the same naked with our own personal habits whether they can be labelled as an addiction is a different word to describe a crutch. Yet we all know how it feels to feel out of control while being in control we think.
The more we can face ourselves and feel comfortable with ourselves regardless of what other people think. Then we can feel more in control without the need to lean on something. Yet life is unpredictable so just in case the unexpected catches me unawares I will carry my gum with me.
I can live with my quirks as they make me who I am, yet I know this can change and that nothing is stuck. We all give up many things which shows how powerful we are and that we only get hooked when we allow it to happen.
Enjoy who you are and be kind to you and your choices and before you judge you understand you.
Much love to you Dee xxx
I have heard that earth has been called the big experiment for humans, regarding alien involvement.
Whether this is true or not I humbly see earth not as the big experiment but more the big experience.
You see if I had to sum up in one simple sentence why we are here and what is the point in it all? My answer would be simply to EXPERIENCE, the infinite possibilities and variety of choices that we can ever dream or imagine.
We are after all amazing creators that create everything we see as life around us.
Energy and vibration makes everything connect which goes on to create our experiences. After all most things we do come from thought, which is an electrical impulse in the brain.
Why bother? We may all have asked at some point when life gets overwhelming and at times challenging. When we see something new and exciting for the first time we often say let me have a go. We are enthusiastic in trying new things and experiences; we may call it an adrenalin rush or explain that we love the buzz. However we dress it up or label what we are doing, it all comes back to the point that we too want to join in and experience it.
People at times may say why on earth would he or she want to do that? Or why would he or she take on all that responsibility etc. There are endless amounts of examples I could use to explain why do we do anything.
The bottom line of why we do anything is because we can and want to experience what ever we wish to choose, regardless of the risks, as we know deep down there are no risks in life. Because deep down we know we cannot die for the life of us. We all have been here many times before; we have had many births, friends, families, and transitions, this is what we call death.
Just because we cannot remember everything it does not mean we have not experienced more than this life that we now know.
It is hard at times to get our head around more than what we see in front of us. Yet deep down we all remember in our subconscious or collective consciousness. We are open-minded people really we just may not admit it, after all the film sixth sense was popular. If we where really a closed book we would not watch anything that is paranormal whether we believed in it or not. The fact we watch them shows we are open minded in our own comfortable acceptable ways.
During my life I have come across people who share their experiences on a paranormal level, some want to know more, some have said I am evil and shouted abuse. Yet we all know no matter how our bodies look or how different our personalities are, deep down we are all the same. Sentient beings that feel, think, and experiences life whether it is dished out or received. Life has no preference to whom bats the experiences to who catches it. We are all in the game of life together, helping one another to experience what we have wished for.
We can judge life and condemn life, this too is just an experience, when we are born we are not given the rules of life. There are no rules, because we are infinite beings. Our rules are what we make up or follow ourselves; the bigger picture of life from the viewpoint of the universe does not give us rules. Why you may ask are we not given rules? The answer is because we are given a guide, which is our conscience. Nothing in life is bigger than you or smaller than you, experience is your own personal journey, in which you own what you choose to experience.
Example: During a past war a nurse would tend to the injured soldiers that fought in the war. The nurse did not know what it felt like for the soldiers that she cared for. She had not experienced the pain they went through and the traumatic experiences in what they had faced. She would smile and tend to their wounds trying to help them feel comfortable and not alone. She could only meet them half way for she could not feel the depths of their pain.
When the nurse transcended and let go of her body to return back home in the universe in which we belong. She was asked what did you learn during this lifetime experience. She replied I learnt how to comfort and to not be scared of pain and suffering, as I still saw them smile even though they hurt. The soldiers told me they where not scared as they believed in what their purpose was. So belief gives us strength so we are not scared.
So you have learnt compassion, although you were free from pain you could empathize with the soldiers to the best of your imagination. Yes the nurse says but I still felt pain in my heart for them, I felt their pain. So why are you sad when you see it is just an experience and that nothing can really harm or kill you can it. No I know, so what do you want to experience in your next life on earth. I want to feel what the soldier felt, I want to get shot or blown up, so I can complete the understanding and experience of my last visit. So find someone who is willing to share in your action drama a bit like actors that you have in films. I will choose the soldier I cared for and ask him if he will shoot me in my next life experience on earth. As the act will be out of love to fulfill my experience.
The soldier agrees to do this action part out of love, a gift to let the nurse feel the full picture from both sides of the experience from nurse to patient. They agree to meet up at a certain point in time and year. Yet they will know once they are born they will have forgotten this contract action agreement pre birth. This experience follows on from her last life, which on the surface will show the film yet the actors will know the script which they understand from the bigger picture of life with depth and meaning. No one is in pain when you see the bigger picture. This scene is about past life completion, which is a gift regardless of the role you play.
We choose everything; this is why people have déjà vu, as they remember what they have chosen before being born. So when this happens you know you are on track. Nothing is an accident or by chance, everything comes together through connection. Collective consciousness creates the connections that you may see as synchronization bringing to you what you choose.
You are the master of your life; the universe works with you, as you are not separate from the life force of intention. You can change your mind many times, which puts your wishes and plans on hold for now. They will always be waiting for you to play out, which is why some things take us by surprise because we forgot we had ordered it many years ago, even if it was a passing thought. Only to find it surfaces when you least expected it. An order is an order, which is why it is always handy to know what you want or know what you do not want.
Life gives you experience so you do not have to imagine what life is like, you can read all about life and not know anything until you have tasted it, smelt it, felt it, walked it which opens up understanding the wisdom on a personal connected feeling level.
Remember you are universal energy that is infinite; there are no risks to your life. Everything is about experiencing more or less of what you already have experienced. The value of your experiences is personal to you. No blame or no guilt for you are the creator of everything in your life. You are the producer the actor and observer. Enjoy your experiences, as you will never run out of wishes for you have infinite choice.
Much love to you
Dee xxx
Many films show that time travel is all about time.
Set the clock, date and year!
What year do you want to travel to? Past or future so the time and date can be set.
Yet how is this possible when time does not exist? What time would you go on, when time on earth is so different depending on what time zone you are in within each country. My today is Australia’s yesterday.
So how do you set the time travel clock?
This distortion would equally apply away from earth.
In order for time to work it needs energy in the form of a power source, maybe batteries are used or it maybe plugged into the circuit.
Time stops without any power going to it or if there is a malfunction.
To travel the matrix grid of the universe of all life, a universe so infinite would need more than a power pack, which is limiting when reliant on a date, time and external power source.
To understand what is called time travel, is in my humble observation really ENERGY travel.
To energy travel you use consciousness, which is frequency, and vibration, which is not reliant on physical tools, no time, dates or calendars or years.
The physical route known as time travel is like using a wound up clock, you will hit distortion and fog so to speak.
The films may make it look easy, yet it is all about understanding energy.
We don’t really think much about energy maybe only the electric and gas that powers our home and gadgets.
Energy of the universe is the flow of consciousness that weaves all life. I call this point zero which connects life, which creates multifaceted infinite space.
When you get past the distortion frequencies you enter point zero the nucleus energy that created all life.
Understanding energy gives you the understanding to energy travel as time travel to me is like bouncing on a trampoline, you will only get so far, as time is a label created to manage a day.
The energy matrix of the cosmos is a language, not learnt by separation it is understood by connection. The physical way of understanding life is understood by separating rather than connecting or joining the dots.
By letting go of the physical and absorbing into the energy matrix do you then see and feel and understand the language of the universe.
It’s a vibration which is continuously pulsing and creating, it is not static or paused, so by the time you enter a date on a machine in which to time travel. You have created distortion by the time it takes you to type the date in even if it only took you a second to do. The universe is instant all the time so the physical is always on catch up which can be thousands of years in time that we view as time. To be in real time in the universe so to speak you have to enter it and be the flow via connection.
When I visit space or should I say the matrix of the universe, its non-physical. So I view it from a non-physical perspective I am energy within it.
The energy is alive and defies how we think it should work. The non-physical is understood when we let go of the physical, so then the energy in the universe would be understood. The closest I can explain it in a very simple basic manner is a plasma ball. When you switch the plasma ball on, the electric current runs through it, as soon as you place your hands on the plasma ball. You attract the current to you and the current moves with you as if you are connected. This is a very basic observation example, now instead of being outside the plasma globe, enter it and become one with the source then you see the language within it.
This maybe a heavy subject matter and I am trying to explain it as simply as I can. As it is simple once you see it. Its like stepping into a flowing water fall, you may know what it feels like with your physical body within its flow, take the physical away and just feel your essence in it, then it becomes a different experience and more expanded.
Any way I hope I have opened your mind to energy travel and the difference compared to what is known as time travel.
If nothing else it shows that travel is infinite and not limited.
I am sharing my experiences that I have had during astral travel, which is sometimes hard to explain, as I may not always have the words. I choose not to be beaten and explain the best way I am able.
I hope you enjoy reading it.
Much love to you Dee xx
When I was a child the first thing that stood out for me was that I could see people my friends could not see. It was so normal and natural like it is walking down the street and seeing people walk past, you may not know but you know seeing strangers does not freak you out. We class it as normal because we are all physical take the physical away we think the person disappears and vanishes. After all without a physical body how do we exist?
Considering I was born with bad eyes I did not hear I could only see what is termed dead people. At first it was like a silent movie I could see them and say how they looked etc but that was it. How do I communicate with them if I only see and cannot hear? Back then I did not know about telepathy being so young, so they would show me images it’s a bit like autocue or flash cards and symbols. Once I had got my head around telepathy this made communication much easier.
I was not scared its only when things happened that I did not understand that I would get a bit on edge. Once I had grasped how they communicate and what things mean it became a way of life. I grew up feeling safe with them in my life and they looked out for me more than humans had at times. When I talk to them I feel understood and not judged and loved and accepted. It’s the physical side that I have found harder as there is this subliminal underlining fight and ego of having to over explain yourself to be understood.
For the first 10 years I kept to how it is recognized here of face value, which is what I refer to the surface of every day life. I kept it simple and did not go too deep, and continued contacting people that had passed in the way people had understood and accepted. The only problem I had is that I did not give names, as my character comes in to play too. I am not a name or label person as I have trouble remembering names. A name to me does not define a person as this gives very little core information. I want to know the person the content the details which you do not get from a name. So I made up for my absent name giving to give detail about the person and their personality.
When I was in my 30s this way of doing readings changed for me, as I felt there was something missing just sticking to this way of doing a reading. I thought ok it may have been needed once upon a time to prove life after death, but these days with films like sixth sense etc if you believe in it you do, if not your just not going to regardless of the way it is done. So I made the decision to change things around, instead of contacting them to prove life after death, I am connecting with them to share about life. So you’re loved ones have a voice to talk about you and so it is all about you. Obviously I still do the original way of doing readings if it is necessary for someone, say if someone wants to know their loved one is ok if they have just passed.
I wanted readings to change from proving in contact, to be a gift of guidance and love which gives you connection. So you know the message you get in your reading is coming from those that love and care about you. With the information shared you will know they know what is going on in your life and support you. You will feel the connection through the love of life and not death. We are all in life together and if you’re loved ones can offer you guidance in your life. Which makes your life feel less stressful and more manageable, and then your reading benefits you and makes you feel happier. I feel readings should help uplift and support you and give you the confirmation that the love you share continues. The connection never breaks; giving them a chance to talk about you personally gives you feelings of love and a renewed strength to face your life in an understanding way if it was confusing before. About 4 years ago I noticed we all had a core, a deep down section, our deep down thoughts. Its our secret place within ourselves I guess you could say.
So noticing the value of the core I chose then to concentrate on the core in a reading, no matter how scary or confusing or a mess the surface looks, the core holds the true reflection, as fear does not enter the core. So core readings became my way, so you had a chance in your reading to see your true deep down reflection the gold deep down inside of you. The surface can be all it wants to be and changes all the time, yet the core is your main stay. We tend to focus on the surface as our main stay and wonder why it gets pulled beneath our feet. If the type of readings that I do opens up your mind to understanding the difference between surface and core then you will have more options.
This is the example I give people about surface, if a group of friends are together and in the group they are saying to a friend oh yes we love your new dress its amazing. Only for two of the friends to walk away from the group and say what did you really think of it? I thought it was shit, so the surface is not always honest it can people please and say what it wants. Where as the core truth in this situation is you did not like it but felt you could not say how you really felt.
So I do not waste time on the surface, I cut straight through it to get to the core. Getting to the point, the bulls eye of the situation. I do not people please I pass on messages that I trust from the core a place of love and respect. I use metaphors a lot during a reading to explain things, so yes I am quirky and maybe I am different in the way I chose to do readings. But it is my service to you, I am not a business, a conveyor belt type of person, I am doing the best I can from a place of care and love. Yes I charge for readings, which took me years to get my head around because it is my job. Why should my job be judged any different from any job, it comes from a place of quality and passion no different to a musician or artist or hairdresser.
Everyone’s job is a gift and it is a personal journey how you choose to share it, labeling or tarnishing with the same brush has no benefit to anyone. I know myself enough why I work and why I value my work, because I know my depth and morals and meaning. I don’t take doing this job and kind of work lightly, as I am dealing with people’s lives, which are precious. After 48 years of experience it’s been a long journey of discovery, a journey I am still learning. This is not just it I know that. Please before you book a reading research the person, find out how they work, so you understand and know what to expect.
I always ask people to research me before booking, as I may not be what they are looking for. I am not a fortune- teller; I am not a surface quick fix person. I am a deep person that likes to give you the time you need. You may not always get what you expect but I trust you get what you need. After all there are many restaurants to choose from you go with what suits you.
So this is the gist of how I do readings, I do not have a magic wand I just have a voice and a connection to see the core in you. When I start a reading I do not look at the client much as I am visual, so I am looking at what I am being shown. Say you want me to tune in to the heading relationships, I stare in front of me, which is like watching a film, and what ever I am shown I tell you. It is nothing scary or spooky, it’s chatting about your life.
Your life is not scary you own it and know it, its just handy to have guidance sometimes to confirm what you know.
Much love to you Dee xx
We are encouraged to separate everything from the time of our birth, during pregnancy we are connected via the cord, after birth we are separated. We become an individual by being given a name, as labels are recognized as a way of navigating around. After all if we need anything we just need a label or a heading as an example doctor, gym, shops etc. once we have a label this takes us into the door way of choice, after all there are many cooks, artists, musicians and the list can go on. Headings and labels are useful when we want to find something. The other thing that comes with labels is judgment so if someone did not like what they experienced there judgment could put others off from experiencing it.
How much we follow and go on other people’s advice depends on how much we value and trust ourselves enough to face experiences no matter how many people have tried them before us. Our experiences in life are unique even though we are connected to everyone and everything around us. If you do not believe me then ask yourself how do trends come about? From the amazing product or is it because so and so has it so I have got to have it too. Are we even aware how much we copy or follow others in the must have things we do, after all connection is like a powerful magnet which is why big businesses use subliminal advertising.
The power of the mind, or power of thought suggestion or are we just too scared to be left out. After all the universe does not know separation so deep down inside we know this as it is our natural state, that maybe big businesses know about this too. Look over history and see how advertising has encouraged us to have the next new gadget. Or how our friends sell things to us before we have checked it out by chance on our own. How often do we go blindly so to speak into the world and just check things out without having any prior idea about it or knowledge. Or are you even aware how much you buy is from auto- pilot rather than self – connection. Example I must have these shoes they are the in thing everyone is wearing them, so you buy them and to your horror they kill your feet. Do you decide actually they hurt way too much to wear or do you suffer the pain to just fit in.
I am sure we all have at some point gone through some amount of pain, as they say no pain no gain. So there is no loser’s then only gain even if at times we experience pain with our choices. At times we go blank if we are caught on the spot and asked something like what do you want to eat and you have not got a clue. So you reply anything I am not bothered what are you having? Even if you have the same and don’t like it you may eat it all not being beaten by it or pick at it and make some kind of excuse, after all its only money.
Connection whether we understand it or not is our foundation and backdrop to everything that we do. Even when we are on our own we will be connecting to something on our phones. Even if you travel on your own you will connect to other people and places around you. If we see the world as separate we are forgetting our connection to life. We view the world through point A to point B etc. As if the space between these points are separate, yet they are connected because if they where not connected how would you get from point A to point B. You may have been given a name at birth yet your surname will be the same as the rest of your family. Connection is everywhere and the key that opens and shuts doors, that creates waves of change and introduces trends and must haves. To stand out and be different does not always fit in, yet to be well known and stand out is a must have connection. If you value your self as much as you value the connections you have in your life then you would walk side by side next to everyone. If you place connections above you or on a pedestal then you have forgotten your own connection with yourself and that everyone is equal.
You are the world and the universe through the connection that you are, you will not be forgotten or lost or less important unless you judge yourself to be so. You experience everything that you wish and connect to the places and people that will bring you those experiences. Try being on your own, its hard to find privacy at times without a text alert or the phone rings. Even on holiday we have fun enjoying other peoples company regardless if we never see them again. In that moment connection brings you what you need.
Trying to understand life from the view of separation is like saying you do not exist. You know you exist which is why you have choice. We are connected to the universal web although we can enjoy our own personal space within that web. Like everyone has their own gadget in which to access the computer web, there is not just one computer we can use in which to gain access we have many options and choices. Like we are individually and collectively connecting up and tuning in all the time its just much bigger the universal web.
You may get caught up with other people or you may get caught up in yourself. There is no right or wrong way, there is no blame, it all comes back to the self on what we choose to experience by the connections we access. So the next time you feel left out or not part of the group remember you’re always connected to the universe. It does not matter whether you are conscious of it or not, or ignore it or aware, connection is your core. No one can take this away from you, as you are not reliant on others for connection as it is your natural state. No fear of loss as you do not have to pay for it, or upgrade it, as there are no expectations or judgment, connection gives you the freedom to explore and be you.
Connection is your universal credit card with no limits as it is infinite; it is up to you what you experience through your magnetic core in you. You attract what you wish no matter status or size and shape or form. Connection flows through you, which gives you the power to face what ever you have chosen.
Understanding the power of your connection gives you knowledge and wisdom to realize how separation is an illusion.
Much love to you Dee xx
I cant wait is most probably said before we are born, with mothers saying I cant wait for the birth.
When I look back at my life over 48 years this sentence stands out to me, even though they are these few words of I cant wait. They seem to pack a drive of enthusiasm in some way giving us the encouragement to keep going.
I cant wait is said more than we at times remember; you have all the childhood cant waits. Like when you can’t wait to be tall enough to ride a bike, or old enough to go to playschool, or for your tooth to fall out, or a birthday or Christmas to have that toy. The teenager cant waits for being old enough to go out with your friends, having money, leaving school, buying things, getting a job or going on holiday. The list is endless to be honest we may have a cant wait moment every day and not even realize it.
Does saying I cant wait let people know you have got it as the time waiting we have to fill with something. So declaring you cant wait means you own it, I will have it and what I am waiting for will come at some point. While I wait I just let you know I can’t wait and I am so focused on it right now.
Some may call these moments our firsts, so you can appreciate when growing up pretty much everything at some point is our first moment. Once we remember what something was like we then know whether we want more or not.
When we are bored we may dream about what we would like to do or have or be or own. I can’t wait window-shopping maybe so our imaginations keep working so we don’t get stuck with the same old.
At times it is easy to say I cant wait to do something or want something then when it comes to getting it we may back off and not want it anymore. Is it because it is safer or easier to handle in thought rather than action? I could not wait to reach 16 years old to have more freedom, then that changed to 18 where my life changed completely after that. I did not have so many self wishes of I can’t wait. I became we when I had my children, so my life became hearing cant waits from my children instead of saying them myself so much.
From experience I would reassure my children that cant wait moments will soon be here and what you have been waiting for arrives. It does not always guarantee happiness and contentment but you will get out of your cant wait moments what you have wished for. Hence the saying is being careful what you wish for or do you know what you really want. We may feel we really want a puppy or a loan for a car, with it comes responsibility, have you thought it through? The puppy comes and it’s too much or you wait for a loan only to find the payments are a pain and you cant wait for it to be over. So our cant waits are like a double sided card, on one side the cant wait is new and exciting, turn the card over once its been used and not new anymore, it becomes boring and less exciting. So now I cant wait for this to end is more the focus, so I can focus on a new cant wait moment to replace this old boring one. Maybe you could say we have upgraded I cant wait moments.
Life is targeted at the young, from pregnancy through to teens and 20s, and 30s, leveling off when you’re in your 40s. Yet when you’re young and in your teens you think life is targeted for the adults and not about you. You don’t often hear people say I can’t wait to be 50 or 60 or 70 the only age people aim for past 90 are 100 to get a card. So the cant waits are for more the young, as by the second half century you have done most things, the cant waits maybe making changes and visiting different places, you could say they are repeated cant wait moments.
Right now as I type I cant wait for my cold to go, nothing new had them before its just I could do without it. Yet catching things is common as we share everything in the world, we share everything even down to the I cant waits.
I am sure you’re saying I can’t wait for this post to end ha ha.
So the next time you say I cant wait know your involved and connected and meeting life half way, to be bothered to know you are looking forward to something in a cant wait fashion.
Enjoy and embrace your goals, your plans and dreams as life really does flash before your eyes, one minute your 21 the next nearly 50. It does not feel long ago I was the teenager of the moment, now I watch teenagers of today having fun, and dropping them off as I have reached the generation I saw growing up as the old ens. Are we really ever old? Yes our body changes over the years yet inside I still feel the same, just its hidden and not on show so much anymore. It is not my center stage as it once use to be, now I am settled not searching so much anymore just enjoying living.
The next time you say you cant wait smile to yourself and embrace the journey, a journey that never ends.
Much love to you Dee xx
When I became an orphan at 4 years old I went to live in a children’s home, I refer to it as an institution.
Life was like being in the military in a way growing up in the home, catholic nuns and staff ran it. It ran like clock work, the time we got up, ate or played and even washed and went to bed. It was how it was managed, my friends would ask me what is it like not having a mum or dad, I would reply what is it like having them.
Living in such a way with so much limitation taught me from a young age about respect and rules. We where not allowed to touch anything apart from any toys that where around. Toys where a luxury so a lot of our fun came from our own imaginations. With a house run like a tight ship, we never dared cross the line, as you do not want to have a roof over your head.
Living with so many children from all walks of life, some stayed a few weeks or a couple of years, I stayed the longest that I almost was part of the furniture. You did not have your own belongings not even clothes as everything was shared. You did not get your own space only within yourself. This is where I learnt to live in my own little box of myself. You did not touch anything that did not belong to you. You did not cross the line.
You made your own bed which back then we had sheets so they had to be made like the hospital beds, no matter how young you was your age did not get you out of chores. Everyone mucked in and helped with the many tasks that had to be done so that life ran like clockwork and on time. If you where late you missed out so time keeping was important. We walked to school and made our own way to activities even if it meant getting a couple of buses on your own at 7 years old. We learnt responsibility from a young age even if we had other children to look after as well.
We where like mini adults in a child’s body, we did not have a mum or dad to look over us or guide us or watch us, we had to face life and stand on our own two feet with no one to hide behind. We did not have people we could blame when life went to shit. What ever happened we had to face the consequences of our own actions!
This kind of upbringing harvested my own space in me, what I call living in my own little world. My life was in my own hands, I had to sort myself out, manage myself well as I knew there would be no one else to blame for the way my life turned out only me. It all comes back to the self so I have set out all these years in mastering myself. So I am comfortable in my own space of me. Yes I keep myself to myself only because I cannot control anyone else or manage no one they have to do it for themselves. Yes we all can do with a helping hand of guidance when we need support. Managing myself is a full time job making sure I am being the best person I can be not only for myself but for those I share my life with.
Life is hard enough and I chose to commit to myself to master myself so I knew myself to the best of my ability. This means I cannot distract myself by being nosey in other people lives. This is not because I am not interested in other people’s lives far from it. I treasure other people and value them. I like to meet people from their core being, not from surface gossip or what is written. I like to meet people from their core truth, which they reflect from deep down inside. Not from the surface reflection, which changes all the time, depending on what mood they maybe in.
I do not like to intrude so if someone wants to share with me they do it off their own back and share what they wish, I don’t go searching for it. I respect other people’s personal space, as this space is our gold within us. Some people may judge me odd as I keep to myself and in my own little world. But you know where to find me if you ever need me.
We live in such gold fish bowls where everything is known or gossiped or highlighted, our every move monitored. So if you meet me and find me odd because I do not know the latest trend, or gossip or every detail of people’s lives is because I keep to myself. It does not mean I am not in life, I just choose to not know and would rather meet people with no information about them, so what we share is in the moment not yesterdays news.
I love living in my own little world, who ever finds me and joins me in my own space of my home know you are welcome and safe. Know you are not judged and know you can be yourself no matter how you feel. My little space I live in is a space of unconditional love with no expectations. I wont know what you know maybe in the glossy magazines or news feeds but I am old fashioned and like meeting you for you face to face.
Yes I am different but I am happy to not know so when I meet people its for the first time with no information so I can do my work as a medium without any gossip getting in the way. I offer you space to bring just you and leave the world outside, so what ever I tune into when I do my work comes from a space of respect and love.
I love you enough to let you be you love me enough to be in my own little world no matter how odd it is.
Much love to you
Dee xx
If you are anything like me money has been a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows. Just about having enough to be able to have a holiday to being so on the floor that debt is way above my head to juggle. To just getting by week to week on the pounds I have for basic living. I always said to myself when I was younger money would not define me or stop me from living no matter what.
My relationship with money has been a love hate relationship one to this day I am trying to get my head around. Don’t get me wrong I am not scared of money that I wont take risks and have debts or loans. As having a life takes risks, its just some risks have bigger out of control outcomes than others. I am a giver and not a taker, which is not good if you do not want to get into debt; if I have got it I give it away and worry about it later. You could say I have never had a plan when it comes to money as long as I can get by. I am so not money driven or a businesswoman as the only thing that drives me in all areas of my life is my heart. Yet the world does not take love as credit or payments for things although I do.
I have not had a constant balance of a flush bank account, mainly due to my bank of mum that always needs raiding for the family. Oh not to mention when our dogs need the vets the bill is huge. It is all a catch 22 because if you only have a certain amount coming in a month extra expenses like pet insurance would mean we would all not eat which would make the insurance pointless. So we budget what is vital and what we can juggle to get by. In a nutshell I have been on the tipping point of debt in my life only to swim to the surface again eventually. Being a single parent and living on a basic income when bringing up kids is not easy. So to get out of situations you have to take risks to improve your situation, which costs money.
Money makes the world go around even if you have got it or not and yet your more noticed by your debt status than if you have never borrowed in your life. Work that one out, you have to be in debt or owe money in some way to be graded on how reliable you are for debt. Being debt free means you don’t qualify or are not recognized in the debt system,
Really I don’t know what is worse being accepted for more or being invisible because you do not need to borrow.
Whatever the reason for borrowing it stirs up loads of emotions, stress or worry, as it is easy to borrow and get in debt but harder to get out of it. Unless a windfall comes your way to bail you out. Life is not cheap and it seems you need more and more of money to have anything past basic living essentials. Money is a bit of a taboo subject really if you’re flush less worry and stress if things are tight then the strain starts to show.
Living from my heart has kept me sane but it does not help my purse. When we borrow from banks or credit cards there is less emotional ties, as it is just a cold contract of expectations. Miss a payment or if you are late you know the punishment your credit rating goes down. Oh no that means my ability for more credit will be harder to acquire. It’s the times when friends or family lend us a helping hand that brings out high emotional ties. If the gifting of money to help is clear-cut for just money sake with nothing else needed then that is all underlined equally. It is when it is gifted for personal needs of needing to be needed. So not only do you have the debt you have the emotional debt on top as if you owe them forever above the money you borrowed. Emotional blackmail or emotional needs are the underlining reason in which to control another by money lending. It is like a money fix of giving to make you feel good and needed.
Money at the end of the day brings about many reasons and meanings behind the act of money giving or borrowing. It has always been used to gain control, whether the control in our own personal lives or to gain from some one else’s need. I am learning to love money and give it no judgment or label it is what it is. An exchange and offering for something in return, my offering first before any money exchanges hands is from a place of love in my heart. If I do not feel love then it’s a robotic action with little thought.
We all come here with nothing and go back home with nothing, we actually own nothing and everything is borrowed to us otherwise we would take it with us when we pass. I am rich in my heart and I am happy with that as it will be my heart bank that I will be taking with me and leaving my money bank behind.
Yes I would like to have more money so I can share my gifts more worldly and widely. To be able to chat to many people about the meaning of life and not the fears created in life. To share about life in all its glory and not the glossy cover story. To share real life and all the emotions real life brings so they are not hidden, as life is a rollercoaster ride which takes understanding to master as life is all about experience. Ok mine is at times top heavy and I am working on the balance, but I am getting there. The one thing I have learnt is keep hold of your emotions like they are the steering wheel in a car, so then you will always have control no matter how out of control life feels.
Master your emotions you have control of your life no matter how deep or shallow your pockets are. Owe what you borrow with a clear heart.
Love what you have even if a pound so you can then love the many pounds that may follow.
Much love to you
Dee xx
BLOG: EMOTIONAL LOAN
If you are anything like me money has been a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows. Just about having enough to be able to have a holiday to being so on the floor that debt is way above my head to juggle. To just getting by week to week on the pounds I have for basic living. I always said to myself when I was younger money would not define me or stop me from living no matter what.
My relationship with money has been a love hate relationship one to this day I am trying to get my head around. Don’t get me wrong I am not scared of money that I wont take risks and have debts or loans. As having a life takes risks, its just some risks have bigger out of control outcomes than others. I am a giver and not a taker, which is not good if you do not want to get into debt; if I have got it I give it away and worry about it later. You could say I have never had a plan when it comes to money as long as I can get by. I am so not money driven or a businesswoman as the only thing that drives me in all areas of my life is my heart. Yet the world does not take love as credit or payments for things although I do.
I have not had a constant balance of a flush bank account, mainly due to my bank of mum that always needs raiding for the family. Oh not to mention when our dogs need the vets the bill is huge. It is all a catch 22 because if you only have a certain amount coming in a month extra expenses like pet insurance would mean we would all not eat which would make the insurance pointless. So we budget what is vital and what we can juggle to get by. In a nutshell I have been on the tipping point of debt in my life only to swim to the surface again eventually. Being a single parent and living on a basic income when bringing up kids is not easy. So to get out of situations you have to take risks to improve your situation, which costs money.
Money makes the world go around even if you have got it or not and yet your more noticed by your debt status than if you have never borrowed in your life. Work that one out, you have to be in debt or owe money in some way to be graded on how reliable you are for debt. Being debt free means you don’t qualify or are not recognized in the debt system,
Really I don’t know what is worse being accepted for more or being invisible because you do not need to borrow.
Whatever the reason for borrowing it stirs up loads of emotions, stress or worry, as it is easy to borrow and get in debt but harder to get out of it. Unless a windfall comes your way to bail you out. Life is not cheap and it seems you need more and more of money to have anything past basic living essentials. Money is a bit of a taboo subject really if you’re flush less worry and stress if things are tight then the strain starts to show.
Living from my heart has kept me sane but it does not help my purse. When we borrow from banks or credit cards there is less emotional ties, as it is just a cold contract of expectations. Miss a payment or if you are late you know the punishment your credit rating goes down. Oh no that means my ability for more credit will be harder to acquire. It’s the times when friends or family lend us a helping hand that brings out high emotional ties. If the gifting of money to help is clear-cut for just money sake with nothing else needed then that is all underlined equally. It is when it is gifted for personal needs of needing to be needed. So not only do you have the debt you have the emotional debt on top as if you owe them forever above the money you borrowed. Emotional blackmail or emotional needs are the underlining reason in which to control another by money lending. It is like a money fix of giving to make you feel good and needed.
Money at the end of the day brings about many reasons and meanings behind the act of money giving or borrowing. It has always been used to gain control, whether the control in our own personal lives or to gain from some one else’s need. I am learning to love money and give it no judgment or label it is what it is. An exchange and offering for something in return, my offering first before any money exchanges hands is from a place of love in my heart. If I do not feel love then it’s a robotic action with little thought.
We all come here with nothing and go back home with nothing, we actually own nothing and everything is borrowed to us otherwise we would take it with us when we pass. I am rich in my heart and I am happy with that as it will be my heart bank that I will be taking with me and leaving my money bank behind.
Yes I would like to have more money so I can share my gifts more worldly and widely. To be able to chat to many people about the meaning of life and not the fears created in life. To share about life in all its glory and not the glossy cover story. To share real life and all the emotions real life brings so they are not hidden, as life is a rollercoaster ride which takes understanding to master as life is all about experience. Ok mine is at times top heavy and I am working on the balance, but I am getting there. The one thing I have learnt is keep hold of your emotions like they are the steering wheel in a car, so then you will always have control no matter how out of control life feels.
Master your emotions you have control of your life no matter how deep or shallow your pockets are. Owe what you borrow with a clear heart.
Love what you have even if a pound so you can then love the many pounds that may follow.
Much love to you
Dee xx
Life at times puzzles me and confuses me only because when I do anything it is with my heart and not with my mind. Caring and living from your heart comes at a price. Not a price tag but a price of judgement of where is your ulterior motive?
Ok living from my heart has not been all plain sailing, as I speak the truth and some people I have met on my path do not like the truth. Yet why would I want to lie to anyone when I thought honesty was the best policy?
I do have to live with myself every second of every day and if something does not sit right in my heart before I sleep at night then this will eat away at my conscience.
I am not perfect and have made loads of what would be called mistakes; I would call them experience regardless of the outcome. Yes we are weighed and sized up after our births, but I did not know this sizing up would be a major factor as we grow up in life.
I learnt from a young age that a life followed created many contradictions, whether we contradict ourselves or towards others. Life is not a straight line, yes we have guidelines in which to follow and rules and regulations, together with demands and expectations. But who really takes the time to get to know one another, after all time and schedules does not give us much time to know ourselves let alone anyone else. As we are too busy holding our life up so we fit in as much as we can.
I have come across in the past criticism if I don’t charge enough for readings as a medium, being told you take too long with a reading, give a taster so they book again! Why? I use to ask myself if I can help them now why not complete the reading. All because time is money you pay xy and z for half hour or an hour. Yet our lives are not the same, some people have more going on than others and need more time.
The alarm bells of my caring heart ring out again, love and care means more to me than money. I vowed when I saw how money had been used as a weapon as a child that money would not define me. My heart will define me no matter how challenging and difficult life got.
Ok yes people may find it odd living from your heart and maybe in doing so, does not fit in how life is run here. But I chose as a child not to fit in as I started out in life not fitting in, so why change my roots. The one thing I worked out after years of abuse, and trauma as a child that I had control of is my heart.
My heart is my clothing and out of that abuse, I started on my journey growing up in the pursuit of love. In adversity I would not accept no matter how much I was hurt or abused or judged or rejected. I would not believe that love did not exist, so Love would be my driving force and my reason why I get up in the morning.
Even if I were not shown love and care it would not give me the reason to not give it back. It would make me more determined to care. I chose not to live on the surface and blend in. who ever I meet in life I see them for who they are deep down inside. I feel if they are happy or sad or confused, the deep down stuff we hide away from the world. As most people cant see how we really feel they go with what we allow our selves to share.
It takes time to understand one another as we are all different and yes I am odd and quirky but that is how I like it. As I feel my heart beating every second of every day reminding me to live from a place of care and giving. So much is taken from us living within the demands of every day life.
We are encouraged to perform to a standard in life rather than be ourselves. We are scared to stand out unless it’s for all the right reasons. We all want to be liked and loved at the end of the day. Yet love does not require anything of you apart from being yourself. Self-love is enjoying who you are, bringing out the best in you because you love to.
At times material things are valued more important than people, and not just because of the price tag. Yet caring costs nothing when you’re not afraid to accept love in any caring manner without questioning it. Love is priceless really when noticed. Yet if something is too cheap it may be judged as not good enough. The key here is quality, quality that matches a price tag. Shows passion and love has gone into the masterpiece or gift and skill.
So if my heart wants to give to you, know it is my way of caring and showing you that I really want the best for you. If I give anything away it is because it is from my heart with no agenda apart from the joy of giving.
Why fear caring when we all get fed up with being hurt, why react to care like we would harm. Care can be used in manipulative ways as a false sense of security but if you’re connected to your own heart then you will alert you. This is where trusting in yourself comes in and knowing yourself enough.
We are all unique for a reason to bring variety and many different experiences to life. Why blend in when you are so unique and so amazing just for being you. Care about you as much as you would an expensive item for you are priceless.
The next time adversity stares you in the face do what I do when I feel out of control in situations, say ya gotta laugh aint ya. This one sentence has got me through my rollercoaster life like a pause button so I can breathe. As some things are out of our control as we can only control ourselves.
Love can be many things and be what ever you want it to be, but one thing love wont do to you is harm you. Love can feel painful when we feel many sides to love, which is where care comes in to support us when we need some comfort.
Embrace care as it gives the quality back into our life.
Care is not a weapon it is a gift.
Much love to you Dee xx
I have been guided to write this my second book Connecting to life’s compass as a gift to the world. I wanted the information in this book to be available to everyone for free. This is why I have not got it published in the traditional sense like my first book by a publisher. I did not want money to get in the way of people having access to it. Like I have said it’s a gift to everyone and anyone who has ever questioned life will find this book interesting.
The information in this book has come from source for those that do not know what that is, it is the consciousness of all life. Like people pray or wish for things they are sending their thoughts out to the universe regardless of what you believe in out there.
This book is about life, going back to go forward past the big bang. It explains why we are all here having a life here, why we have fear and why fear separated our self -connection. It explains about death and many of life’s questions. At times we have searched for the meaning of life but what value is there in knowing the meaning of life if it is not fully understood. This book covers the many feelings we experience through the many challenges that we may face. It explains why you are more than a physical body.
Life is changing, in the old paradigm we have lived under fear for over 250,00 years ruled by ego and judgement and punishment. The new paradigm that we have entered is clearing up miss information and distortion, so truth rises to clear out fear, so we can live in balance again with ourselves and that of earth and the cosmos.
You could say everyone is having a life review, you may have noticed these changes within yourself over the last few years.
Living in fear is over as this caused separation, our connection to life is awakening and this book gives you the guidance to understand life not only around you but also of yourself.
I hope you enjoy reading it and remember how special you are.
Much Love to You dee xx
